Existence of a wanderer

On Poetry

2008-12-21T22:32:00.000-08:00

In a discussion earlier today, my girlfriend, in relating a previous conversation, mentioned how nobody reads poetry anymore. At the time, I was content to just say that though as an overall generalization this statement may be coming closer to a reality at the present is not true. There are still some out there who read, appreciate, and even try their hand a bit at poetry. But what a sad thought it is to think that poetry is a seemingly dieing art and good poetry really not even published. The closest thing we get to poetry in today's society is song lyrics and most of those can hardly be justified as poetry, much less good poetry. What happened to the Kiplings, the Byrons, the Shakespeares, the Poes of this world? It is a dreary day to think that our culture is degenerated to the point that people today would rather watch mindless television than read something worthwhile. I would dare to say that many people don't even realize the joy of good poetry, that it is even out there and if they heard it, I wonder if they would even recognize it as a form of written excellence and/or enjoy it. It is a dark day if poetry has left the hearts and tongues of man. The form of eloquent speech and well thought lines is great to behold. They say a picture is worth a thousand words but I am sure if those words were to be spoken than they would be in the form of poetry.

futility

2008-12-04T19:40:00.000-08:00

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been involved in or overheard countless conversations on the woes of the United States current status. Whether it be the newly elected President or the financial woes of our economy, people seem to be losing hope all around and it is at times like these you find out where people truly place their trust and hope. As Christians, our hopes are to be in God and nothing else, because the truth of the matter is we are all going to die and nothing we do in this life will last. If one of the wisest men to ever have lived said everything is futility, then why are we so affected by this world. We are called to be in the world and not of it, because our hopes don't lie in the things of this world (money, possessions, power, beauty, etc.). What we are doing in this life is for Christ and our lives should be ordered accordingly. God gave us a whole book to let us know how to properly order our lives (among other things). So, if your world is turned upside down by something that happens in this sin subjected world, then you need to step back and take a look at your life. Ask the question, whose in control? and if you come to the correct answer of God, then why are worrying about it?

on the absense of coherence

2008-12-01T21:56:00.000-08:00

I try to think, I try to write but words come and go, flowing as sand washed from ocean shoreline.

My mind tries to focus,hold on to a thought; catching the wind would be easier than cornering a thought. All my thoughts are a wash, not one word coming coherently after another, just ideas flowing in and out, to and fro. Just as one seems to solidify on inspection it slips away only to be replaced by another. Maybe not so much replaced as tied to another, which leads to yet another. A never ending train of thought, like a timeline without structure. Not neat, not compartmentalized ready for easy access and available at the first instinct of need. No, rather always on the top of the tongue but never leaving the mouth, ready to be uttered if only your scope was just a little wider to encompase the whole of the thought or the amount of vocabulary needed to include that one word which is proper for the moment. But maybe that is it, is just a moment and not the correct moment, not the proper moment for you to utter your two cents into the public arena of spoken thought. But so it is and the moment is passed to be replaced by the next and opportunity will be given again for the grasping of thought to be changed into utterance which understanding of the communication relies on the coherence and structure of the thought being presented. The thought which would be made that much more clear provided the proper word or even better, wording.

an old draft revisited (very random)

2008-11-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

On top of the world is where my baby lays. That place somewhere between waking and sleeping where dream and reality meet in the bliss of the never ending. Long days and longer nights have I been withheld to only the fading wonder of dreams. With torment I wait for the wonder that awaits. The perfection I see in God's perfect creation or maybe just perfect for me. Ever present in my thoughts, until fingertips can once again gain the appreciation of the touch for which I dream. So, dream I must; dreams keeping sanity present in the time crawl which is endured.

braune Augenfrauen

2008-07-12T00:33:00.000-07:00

Looking deep with big brown eyes,
You see into my soul.
Depths at which my heart lies,
I can't resist the pull.
A feeling that I can't disguise.

2008-06-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

SNOW!!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me? This is absolutely ridiculous.

when the storm is brewing

2008-05-14T14:53:00.000-07:00

So, what is a man to do in the face of hardship?
How must a man face his opponent?
Sun Tzu once said,
"If you know both yourself and your opponent, you are guaranteed victory.
If you know yourself but not your opponent, you have a chance at victory.
But if you know neither yourself or your opponent, you are guaranteed defeat."

A man cannot run. When defeat is not an option, he is forced to look ahead and foresee the outcome of each step. The goal is in sight, the players are known, and victory is (God willing) guaranteed.

I find comfort in such wisdom!

to the greats who are leaving

2008-05-06T00:17:00.000-07:00

To my brothers in Christ and brothers by fire, may God keep you and bless you in all that you do and may you live accordingly.

And what will be said of us ere we leave?
What legacy is left behind?
We lived as lions, carried ourselves as kings
See, nothing to us was declined.
Yet honorable we were and continue to be.
this is all that can be said,
"Hold your head high and travel well,
for our paths will cross again
and there will be a story to tell!"
-the wanderer A

Currently occupying my jumbled brain

2008-04-15T21:56:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been quite a while since my last post, in fact it has been a while since I have been up to date on any blogs at all. But with pipe in hand and a copious amount of smoke exuding from the bowl, I find it is a perfect time to remedy such areas in which I am remiss. Moscow's winter is still reluctant to give up the ghost in mid-April with freak snow drifts followed shortly after or accompanied with the bright shining sun. Normally, I might find this disturbing but other than it hindering the possibilities of me changing my skin tone, I am finding it a good compliment to sitting in my favorite coffee shop and trying to get work done. School is going fair, although I find my classes to be for the most part of little to zero use for anything and I am welcoming the fast approaching summer. God willing I will be able to find a construction job for the summer. There is something sublimely satisfying about construction work. The very evident proof of what your days labor has produced is a great sensation. Also, there is few times that a man's body rests so well as when it is so bone tired from a long day of building. The thought of being in the quiet of Moscow during the summer also holds much solace for my thoughts. Many cigars and bowls will be smoked to thought, study, and reading hopefully all of which will end with my overall betterment (although maybe not of my lungs). As for any more long term business plans or relationship possibilities, nothing has of yet shown itself but I keep a wary eye on the horizon. I find myself strumming the old six string with more regularity and even trying to dabble my hand in the land of lyrics now and again. With my trusty accomplice Danny, it might even produce a few songs with some decent leads. Of late, I also find myself in the lands of theology and escatology because there is no time like the present to try to figure out mine. This does provide the very real benefit of me investing a greater portion of my time in God's word, though it has also proved the saying that, "The more you know, the more you realize you don't know".
Well, that should catch up anyone interested and since it has been far too long since I have tried my hand at poetry, here goes nothing.

Black fingers show a true proof
of hours spent with mind aloof.
Hours spent in tumultuous thought
of things unknown and memories caught.
In the end on inspection of lungs
I hope this is what is sung.
Here was a man among men.
Here is a man who loved.
Here is a man not one in ten
but in a million accrued,
none could replace this one!

The Warrior

2007-09-27T21:38:00.000-07:00

Oh bitter moments are what feel truest,
living in the cold truth of despair;
or is it pain that brings us the purest,
existing our limits knowingly declare.

We fight our battles and wage our wars,
trudge on through mud and muck,
struggle for adventure on far off shores,
yet, triumph for a beauty not by any luck.

The scars and bruises prove us as men,
pushed to the brink showing our grit.
Now we have earned a time to tend
to memories we will ne'er forget.

Our beauties call us with lust and lure,
beckon to follow them to bed.
The spoils we have taken for sure,
happy that scars have not left us dead.

Time earned to sit and think,
gray haze in a peaceful night.
Thoughts blood helps sink
vivid memories as clear as sight.

So, we grow dour and old
there is no more battle for our bones.
Ere, we die and travel to heaven
there are angels with swords, God on his throne.

He smiles as you enter and calls down
"Welcome warrior, you battled well.
You stared at danger, earned your crown,
thus I say faithful, here you may dwell."

-A

the devil's muse

2007-08-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

Thoughts run dry as all sensation leaves,
a voidless mass floating through the days
leaving nothing but a bloody haze.
The vision fades as man feels
loss. What cruel world banishment brought
with all of its beautiful decorations, still
it chills as a winter without its fill.
Do you not know? You caused this draught.
Be gone! Man has had enough, leave him to writhe
on his own. Cease your endless torment.
Away, for he will always resent
your presence, daunting the very fibers inside him.
Return to the Mt. Parnassus where you belong,
to the muses that await unfulfilled with your absence.
Linger no longer to torture mortal mens senses.
You have done enough harm with the charm of your song;
curves blended with movement to birth the harmony,
intonation and pitch resonate from the pools of your eyes,
and rythm made to drive living men's minds to die.
Helen herself wrote then taught you the words of this villany.
Leave man for he is better without, there are women to have
and muses he could do without! You did not tread softly
for his dreams are crushed firmly and world left poorly
with the havok upon it you reaked. Now this command man has:
and I say go foul beast for man will be set free.
-A

Peacefull night

2007-08-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

Walking alone on midnight dreary
I wandered into peace.
A quiet solitude that clearly
could help me to release,
the silent qualms which rose in fury
sat silent made to cease.
What gracious rest in lack of hurry
no quickness to my pace.
Just to wander here for merely
this is divine grace.
-A

Join the band wagon

2007-07-15T20:12:00.001-07:00

So, I just saw the picture of Michael on her brother's blog for the second time and I came to a realization. If my brother ever posted a picture of such moment of me on a highly read blog, I would kill him. Also, my brother is bigger than Michael's brother. I mean one of those good fimilial poundings would be completely in order. I just hope that if Michael does it, she videotapes it. Maybe she could hire Graeme to do it (or at least to edit and put incubus music to the video). Apparently he has been doing push ups and though his past boxing ventures were far from glorious, I still think he would beat his older brother. Anyways, if anyone agrees with me, we could start a petition....

Painting

2007-07-11T12:38:00.000-07:00

Painting, however boring, tedious, and all together useless it may be, is a great activity. It is like taking a bath, sm0king a cigar by yourself, or any other activity that leaves you with only your own thoughts. All you do is sit and think and not about the painting (at least that is the hope). Today, while painting, I was able to remenisce on how hard it is to turn the other cheek or return harsh words with kindness. It is all to easy to snap back at someone, even ones you care for. The reality of the matter is that it usually isn't even you that the person is really "snapping" at in the first place. Something my mom always use to say really struck true to me. "What goes in is what comes out". Now not to say that meaness goes in, but if as christians we aren't carefull then some might sneak in on its own. Just a reminder to me the constant need to stay grounded in the word and prayer. Well, that's all folks.
-A

A pat on the back

2007-07-07T14:11:00.000-07:00

This is not of much consequence but one should always give props where they are due. This one goes on to Bom. I just realized today that he posts as often if not more so than anyone I know. Being that I usually enjoy his blog also, I can tell that he puts at least some time into it. If all that is not enough for a pat and a "well done", he does this all without his own computer. But this begs a question, "Whose computer does he use?" It is a mystery.....on that note, I won't lose any sleep over it but all that just to say props Tanks!

Crossroads

2007-06-21T11:48:00.000-07:00

I come to a crossroads in my life and need to decide which path I will take. God willing I have the next eight months of my life planned out to some extent, no matter what I decided to do. Maybe it is my time at the Big Haus and having listened to so much of Evan's droning; but I can't help but feel no matter what I choose, it really doesn't matter. After many hours of prayer and still seemingly all of my so called "doors" open, I am confused as to which one I should choose. At one point I think I should stay in Moscow when I come back and just get a job there to work the rest of the summer. On the other hand, I could stick it out down here for the rest of the summer. Then there is the whole decision of whether I will actually go back to school or not in the fall....
It all seems a bit to much to decide. So for any of you who read this, please keep me in your prayers. Thanks.

Aggravation

2007-06-15T22:53:00.001-07:00

How can it be,
woe, that I still miss thee.
Being stuck in my head,
you reside instead
of in my arms where you really should be.

Woman

2007-05-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

God's gift to men, maybe his greatest curse;
with sensuous curves, her presence sadly terse.
Long flowing locks, beautiful hanging curls,
full, lush red lips and neck adorned by pearls.
Pearls that rest gently, on smooth flowing skin,
everytime I see her, I behold the angel thats within.
The angel that is hidden by a strange and clever guise,
her gorgeous body in which she hides is the great disguise.
An angel God has sent to bless and haunt my being,
What type of cruelty is this blessed spirit im fleeing.
For it is bliss to be near her yet torture all the same,
One man can only handle so much without going insane.
- A

2007-04-28T19:26:00.000-07:00

Walking up the stony road with whispers here and there,
I heard a laugh, a gasp, a cry but none did I despair,
I walked a long the star lit street, with cafe to my side.
I did not stop for a bite to eat, for the night seemed to alive.
To alive to waste such time even to pause for moments few,
Tonight was for walking, not so much talking to anyone not even you.
Not to be rude, a brute, or blunt even if all those may seem true,
thought I that some situations and occasions deserve what they are due.
So leave me to walk in my quiet contemplation, continue on your way.
Sun will come and night will pass, and at last all can come as it may.
-knight-errant A

The Dream

2007-04-27T00:57:00.000-07:00

I dreamt last night, of things unseen, and the future that still could come,
if I act accordingly, in being so loyaly, true to the mojo law,
Or was it a fancy, a whim, a dream that is what I had saw
I woke to morning, and looked up deploring, the sun which anguished me some.

See it had ruined my dream, by shortening the thing, of which I did so desire,
to return to my bed, and in so forget, about the to do's that had encumbered,
and at the thought of returning, to my bed and confirming, all that I feared,
See if I returned to sleep, in such hopes of repeat, I would fail in that too acquire.

So wake I did, for hopes that it may rid, my memory of such optimistic thought,
for how coud it be, that she might return to me, to mend the broken shards,
or will she return, to spit on and burn, the pieces till left blackened and charred,
So tell me truely, does this dream fool me, into a hope in which I should not be caught!

-Knight-errant A

the nectar of life and the saints that serve it

2007-04-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

The greatness that is coffee shops.
I've come to realize that my love of Moscow is almost completely and solely based around its coffee shops. I mean what else could it be? The weather is complete crap 5-6 months out of the year, half the time at nights it smells like all the cows were fed something that didn't sit particularly well and they decided to give our nostrils a preview of it. U of I while not completely horrible is also nothing special. I can't complain about my living circumstances, but you can get a sweet place anywhere. I have a good group of friends, but that is balanced out by the existence of worst greek system, most annoying hicks, and all around retarded drunk people. I would say something about the women situation or lack there of but I feel that the suggestion of such would have repricussions that I don't want to deal with; so, I will restrain myself. Also, the choices for entertainment or culinary diversity are at a rather pathetic low. The only things left are the coffee shops. I am of the personal opinion that God's gift to Moscow to keep the few like me sane is Moscow's coffee shops. You know a town has done something right if they have four different types of coffee shops in a two block stretch (all of which are serving the nectar of life as the name would suggest) and not one of them is Starbucks. No matter what type of coffee you want or what type of atmosphere you want to drink it in, Moscow has you covered. So for this, I give chops to Moscow and its havens of happiness.... well done!

Seasons

2007-04-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

The solemn nature of a true heart
is not the nature of mine.
For what heart is true
than the happiest heart divine.
No, give me mirth and joy and glee,
for these mine heart shouldst love.
Why let sorrow be thy nature,
when we still rest above
on God's green earth
so lush, jubulant, and live.
Why choose the winters cold,
if spring and summer are not far behind?
Then warmth in my morrow shouldst grow,
Winter and Autumn are fleeting things
Just as Summer and Spring too.
So why not take joy in what we have
and linger not in pity's gloom.
Yes, give me a heart of joy and peace,
for these will keep me happy and true
and when winters come, I will laugh
for I know they will be over soon.
-A

Covered in Haze

2007-04-22T23:23:00.000-07:00

A tribute to the Parnassus club from its fearless leader. Enjoy...

Bathed in smoke that fills the room,
we sit and revel in words and fumes.
Of glories and loves, battles and deeds,
dreams and choices, for us to read.
Men still yet remembered, for words not yet lost,
who are we to consider, such magnificent thoughts.

Here we sit, the best three strong.
We sit long, strong, and proud
to listen, babble, and discuss
the best of ideas and laud.
Women cross our thoughts
from time to time in shrowds,
covered in a thick blue/grey haze,
given off in whispy clouds.

So if you think you merrit,
to become one of the few,
Look for a dusky, dim lit library,
for there do we sit and muse.

-A

Boredom

2007-04-22T22:26:00.000-07:00

With school, work, and business in the works, life is busier than ever. As the years progress and the light at the end of colleges tunnel grows from a spec to an gateway, time becomes a precious commodity. With all of this, how do I still find myself bored? I am busier than ever and even with my weeks planned out, it seems I barely have enough time to get everything done. Yet, boredom........boredom!!!!! How, why? What right is it of mine to be bored. This isn't my time, my body, or my life. It all belongs to God and God has been overly kind. So, why am I bored. My pastor this morning this morning preached out of Ecclesiastes. "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity" Eccl 1:2; All the rivers run into the sea, Yet the sea is not full; To the place from which the rivers come, There they return again. All things are full of labor; Man cannot express it. The eyee is not satisfied with seeing, Nor the ear filled with hearing. Eccl 1:7-8.
I find a bit of solace in this book. Even Solomon was bored. He had all the world to offer: a large kingdom, wisdom, wives, money, and anything else his heart desired except for contentment. What gain was it to have everything, when everyone leaves with nothing. Growing up I always heard the phrase, "You can't take it with you", in retrospect maybe it should have been, "You can't take it with you and you don't get to stay". But as my pastor stated this morning, it doesn't matter who you are or what you do, you are still going to die and wether you die a king or a beggar that doesn't change your state. So, what is the point? "Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die"? I would say not. Instead, love and serve God for there is no greater thing in life.
Maybe then my attentions are misplaced. Maybe my boredom is a result of misplaced priorities. In this I gain comfort, that the only thing worthwhile in life is seeking after the Great Provider and only in him will I find contentment. My prayer is that God never lets me overlook this truth.